Category: $4 Wine
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Godless
Does God exist? Fuck if I know. I gave up on the Catholic Church at fifteen after seeing Jesus Christ Superstar. Christ was a megalomaniac, and I wanted to do Mary Magdalene. But I’m holding out hope for the hereafter. This week, the Harvard Community of Humanists, Atheists, and Agnostics (HCHAA) has invited me and…
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Welcome!
Why am I wearing a rain jacket? Why do I have an umbrella inside? Unclear. What is clear: This is a new website! Previously at The Harvard Crimson, Four Dollar Wine Critic will now be posting here weekly on cheap wine, other intoxicants that are equally cheap as cheap wine, and *feminism.* Joint me every Tuesday night…
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Dotted Lines
Ah, the problem of embodiment. Like an itch we can’t scratch, like the prelude to a sneeze, like an unattainable orgasm, we are both bound to and alienated from the flesh. Heavy with questions of physicality, I seek once again to lose – or find? or embrace the fragmentation of? – myself in a sweaty…
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Drunkentines/Sex Noises
I want to be known, and loved, and intellectually and sexually adored constantly by everybody. I want each party to be a glimmering climax where I utterly belong. Enter Valentine’s Day weekend: a playground of hungry hearts and lonely bodies. Weather: drunk. Ethos: thirsty. Drake summarizes the prevailing feeling: “I need a girl who gon’…
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Valentine’s Day
Is Valentine’s Day a tool of biopolitical social control? Is the Pope Catholic? Valentine’s Day was originally a pagan holiday appropriated, as so many of them were, by the Catholic Church for nefarious keep-the-people-in-line purposes. (I can say this because I was raised Catholic.) The holiday has since been co-opted by global capitalism, which has…
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First Chance Dance
Ah, senior spring—when some of us solicit people we’d hardly ask to pass the salt in the d-hall for sex. Eyes swipe right and left; rigid social divides melt like snowflakes. The season is ushered in by First Chance Dance: a freshman tradition lost to us by act of hurricane, the dance—and with it, the…
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The Four Dollar Wine Handy Dandy Vagtastic Valentine’s Day Workout
V-Day might be over, but ladies, you’ve still got to tend the actual V. Ever wondered how to stay in great shape for your man? Look no further: It’s time for the Four Dollar Wine Handy Dandy Vagtastic Valentine’s Day Workout! 1) Wax your vagina. No, not your bikini line. Not “all the hair from your labia.” I…
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Thanksgiving!
If you were on I-95 anywhere between Providence, R.I. and Secaucus, N.J. last Wednesday evening, you knew there was a lot of traffic. What you didn’t know is that this traffic consisted entirely of my extended family, aka every second-to-fourth-generation Portuguese-Italian who can trace their roots to the Greater Newark Metropolitan Area. Including me. My…
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Yes, I said Yes, I Will, Yes
It’s Halloweekend, folks, and fuck if I’m paying for my own alcohol. Also, I spent my work-study money on lingerie, because this Halloween, I’m going as Molly Bloom. Molly Bloom, a character in James Joyce’s “Ulysses,” is a fierce bitch, and the novel ends on her “yes” of orgasmic affirmation. She is an artist and…
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Get Wise
This week in the oral surgery industry, I get my wisdom teeth taken out. This was never supposed to happen; my dentist originally justified the ordeal as medically necessary because a “rite of passage,” which just didn’t seem to cut it as a reason for a surgical procedure. Then the teeth actually grew in, and…
Reina Gattuso 