How to Deal With Rejection

Now that I’m dating after a long break, there is a new rule in my household: I don’t waste time dissecting dates’ text messages. The aftermath of first dates used to find me analyzing every comma with my ever-patient friends. I’ve kicked the habit recently, because I’m actively trying to wean myself from self-consciousness around…

A Guide and an Ode to Leaving a Relationship

A week or so after I left him, I experienced something I can only call euphoria.  The few days since I left had been a drumbeat of pain. Yet that golden, late-August afternoon, walking home from another day of brain fog, it descended upon me. I was Peter riding to Damascus; a lightning bolt buoyed…

How freelancing can improve your dating life (and vice versa)

A few years ago, I left a job, a relationship, and an apartment all in the same month. One, the job, came to a natural ending; I set off to begin my full-time freelance life. The other two endings were far more abrupt, and both were related to gender-based violence. I’m a food, sex, and mental…

Why LGBTQ couples split household tasks more equally

For Kara and Jo Chambers-Grant, communication has been key to maintaining equilibrium during the upheaval of the pandemic.  The couple, who live in Bath in the UK, married in 2017, shortly after meeting through an online group that offers peer support for women, trans and nonbinary people coming out later in life. Following a whirlwind…

How to Make Peace With Your Jealousy

I called her the jealous woman. She was fierce and relentless, and during a difficult period in my life she arose in me when she sensed a threat. I was dating someone around that time. The butterflies were flying, and much of the time it felt so right, but the jealous woman kept popping up….

How Trauma Changes Our Relationships

If you grew up experiencing violence or repression — whether in the home, from the state, or due to poverty — you may have experienced the culture shock of being around people who had more privileged experiences. Similarly, if you’ve had a traumatic experience of some kind as an adult — sexual assault, armed conflict,…

Comfort Sex: Why It’s Great And How to Do It

Sex with him was like swimming in the sea. When we were in bed together, the world stopped; we floated through each other’s bodies. In those moments, there was nothing but the safety of his skin. It was sexy as hell, but it was also deeper: the realization of my body’s desire to be nestled…

This Holiday Season, Can We Heal The Relationship Wounds of Politics?

The euphoria was contagious. Car horns clamored through Brooklyn. Under the arch in Grand Army Plaza, brass bands spontaneously serenaded dancing crowds. My neighbors shrieked, and from building to building, the city echoed with cheers: Joe Biden had been elected President.  I was happy — most of all, to see others’ joy. But I was also…

How to Survive a Political Breakup

Every four years around election season — and particularly this year — the media fills with appeals: Why can’t we just get along? Sure, we may have strong opinions about politics, but that shouldn’t get in the way of our unity as family members, neighbors, or friends. In an ideal world, that’s true. Yet in…

What to Do When You’ve Hurt Your Partner

For the six darkest months of the relationship, there was me, and then there was shadow me. She walked beside me, an image of myself if every action and motivation were filtered through the least flattering lens. Her generosity was self-serving; her love was patronizing; her promises were false. In those months, she trailed me…