Reina Gattuso

It’s raining in New York this November morning, one of the first really cold rains of the season. But Shangela’s suite at an upscale Manhattan hotel is warm and floral. Orchestral Taylor Swift plays in the background, and a candle burns on her coffee table. Shangela loves a scented candle. Lighting one is part of … Continue reading Getting Into Drag With the Stars of “We’re Here” Proves Queerness Is Always Political

“I’m on an anti-resilience kick right now,” says Dr. Janelle S. Peifer, Assistant Professor of Psychology at the University of Richmond. It is, at first glance, a surprising statement. The founder of The Center for Inclusive Therapy and Wellness, Peifer supports clients, especially women of color, as they process the ongoing traumas of patriarchy, heterosexism, capitalism, … Continue reading How Trauma Affects Your Body — And How Your Body Protects You

When you hear the word “massage,” what comes to mind? One of the most popular images is of a thin, white woman relaxing on a table. “Massage therapy is so often put on a pedestal in a privileged way,” says J Sheffield, a body worker, massage therapist, and sex educator based in Washington, D.C. In popular … Continue reading How Affirmative Consent Can Up Your Massage Game

Recently, I realized I’d never had casual sex.  Let me clarify: I’ve had a lot of sex with people I didn’t have an intimate or committed relationship with. At the time, I would have called it casual. But something nagged at me. Most of those experiences felt unfulfilling, often boundary-violating, and left me emotionally hungry. … Continue reading Is Casual Sex for Me?

It’s February again, and love is in the air. And by “love,” I mean, “the sweet buzz of my favorite vibrator.”  Valentine’s Day, with its many corporate advertisements commodifying romantic love, can be a grating holiday. But it doesn’t have to be. Whether single, partnered, polyculed, or somewhere in-between (we see you, situationships), we can take … Continue reading The Art of Gifting a Sex Toy

Every couple of months, I’ll have a twinge of anxiety. “I’m a sex writer,” I’ll think. “I’ve written about sex, for a living, for years.”  And yet, my own desires often feel like little hummingbirds I’m just waiting to alight on my hand. Do I actually want to have sex with that person, or do I just … Continue reading A Guide to Learning What Turns You On