Why am I wearing a rain jacket? Why do I have an umbrella inside? Unclear. What is clear: This is a new website! Previously at The Harvard Crimson, Four Dollar Wine Critic will now be posting here weekly on cheap wine, other intoxicants that are equally cheap as cheap wine, and *feminism.* Joint me every Tuesday night … Continue reading Welcome!

The Four Dollar Wine Handy Dandy Vagtastic Valentine’s Day Workout

V-Day might be over, but ladies, you’ve still got to tend the actual V.  Ever wondered how to stay in great shape for your man? Look no further: It’s time for the Four Dollar Wine Handy Dandy Vagtastic Valentine’s Day Workout! 1) Wax your vagina. No, not your bikini line. Not “all the hair from your labia.” I … Continue reading The Four Dollar Wine Handy Dandy Vagtastic Valentine’s Day Workout


If you were on I-95 anywhere between Providence, R.I. and Secaucus, N.J. last Wednesday evening, you knew there was a lot of traffic. What you didn’t know is that this traffic consisted entirely of my extended family, aka every second-to-fourth-generation Portuguese-Italian who can trace their roots to the Greater Newark Metropolitan Area. Including me. My … Continue reading Thanksgiving!

Get Wise

This week in the oral surgery industry, I get my wisdom teeth taken out. This was never supposed to happen; my dentist originally justified the ordeal as medically necessary because a “rite of passage,” which just didn’t seem to cut it as a reason for a surgical procedure. Then the teeth actually grew in, and … Continue reading Get Wise


This week I am so many emotions that a book about a lost bunny rabbit I read while babysitting made me cry. In order to drink and forget midterm season/impending autumn and its attendant anxieties—Is it now too cold to go braless? Does my neck look weird in this? Do you want to snuggle with … Continue reading AMERICA!