A Guide to Learning What Turns You On

Every couple of months, I’ll have a twinge of anxiety. “I’m a sex writer,” I’ll think. “I’ve written about sex, for a living, for years.” 

And yet, my own desires often feel like little hummingbirds I’m just waiting to alight on my hand. Do I actually want to have sex with that person, or do I just think they’re cute? Do I want to do that thing I imagined in real life, or is it just a fantasy? 

Like most readers of Dame, I consider myself a sex-positive person. But also like most of us, aspiring toward sex positivity doesn’t mean we escape the pressure, shame, and stigma associated with sexuality in dominant American culture. Exploring our unique desires can bring this shame to the surface—but it is possible to learn about and embrace what turns us on.

Read more at Dame. Featured image: Juliette F, Unsplash.