When you hear the word “massage,” what comes to mind? One of the most popular images is of a thin, white woman relaxing on a table. “Massage therapy is so often put on a pedestal in a privileged way,” says J Sheffield, a body worker, massage therapist, and sex educator based in Washington, D.C. In popular … Continue reading How Affirmative Consent Can Up Your Massage Game
From children’s movies centered on the princess marrying the prince, to adult social events that exclude folks who aren’t coupled, our society draws a stark distinction between romantic love and friendship. Typically, romantic love comes out on top. Yet, according to Candrea Davies, “The conversation around healthy friendships to me is the conversation around healthy … Continue reading How to Be a Good Friend (And What to Look for In Others)
Recently, I realized I’d never had casual sex. Let me clarify: I’ve had a lot of sex with people I didn’t have an intimate or committed relationship with. At the time, I would have called it casual. But something nagged at me. Most of those experiences felt unfulfilling, often boundary-violating, and left me emotionally hungry. … Continue reading Is Casual Sex for Me?
It’s February again, and love is in the air. And by “love,” I mean, “the sweet buzz of my favorite vibrator.” Valentine’s Day, with its many corporate advertisements commodifying romantic love, can be a grating holiday. But it doesn’t have to be. Whether single, partnered, polyculed, or somewhere in-between (we see you, situationships), we can take … Continue reading The Art of Gifting a Sex Toy
Every couple of months, I’ll have a twinge of anxiety. “I’m a sex writer,” I’ll think. “I’ve written about sex, for a living, for years.” And yet, my own desires often feel like little hummingbirds I’m just waiting to alight on my hand. Do I actually want to have sex with that person, or do I just … Continue reading A Guide to Learning What Turns You On
WHAT WE MOST OFTEN REMEMBER from Virginia Woolf’s 1929 essay A Room of One’s Own are her thoughts on real estate: “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” Yet Woolf also recommends something that’s less commonly cited, but no less important—a good meal. She writes, “One cannot think … Continue reading Virginia Woolf and the Complexities of Cottage Loaf
Now that I’m dating after a long break, there is a new rule in my household: I don’t waste time dissecting dates’ text messages. The aftermath of first dates used to find me analyzing every comma with my ever-patient friends. I’ve kicked the habit recently, because I’m actively trying to wean myself from self-consciousness around … Continue reading How to Deal With Rejection
A week or so after I left him, I experienced something I can only call euphoria. The few days since I left had been a drumbeat of pain. Yet that golden, late-August afternoon, walking home from another day of brain fog, it descended upon me. I was Peter riding to Damascus; a lightning bolt buoyed … Continue reading A Guide and an Ode to Leaving a Relationship
IN THE DARK PANDEMIC DAYS of last December, 667 people gathered on a video call to celebrate Emily Dickinson’s birthday—and her black cake. Participants were invited to bake the recipe before the gathering, and many appeared on camera with their own rendition of the cake. The tradition had started five years before, when Emily Walhout, a … Continue reading The Messy History of Emily Dickinson’s Black Cake Recipe
A KIND-HEARTED SPINSTER, PASSED OVER in her youth by a potential suitor, spends her life faithfully tending the hearth and home of her dear family and friends. She is content to toil as a housekeeper, unrecognized but for the praise of beloved companions. All the while, she keeps a detailed household book of handwritten recipes, from … Continue reading Eat Like Jane Austen With Recipes From Her Sister-In-Law’s Cookbook
Reina Gattuso 